I wanna die so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Ok so Im a freshman and i suck at school im scared to check my grades i barely understand the material and when teachers explain it to me it doesn't help i think i probably failed all my finals anorexic looking and ugly im really shy i have almost no friends i don't know how to make them either when i get to school in the morning i go hide in the bathroom stall no guy has ever liked me and prolly never will i just don't deserve to live i wanna kill myself i cant go to a counselor or ill start crying and then they will think im a Baby tried calling suicide hot-line but i got scared and hung up once i told my parents i wanted to kill myself and there all like u have a great life bla bla bla counselors will cost money (even though we aren't poor in any way shape or form) and i don't want to kill myself and go straight to hell and if there really is a God he probably hates my guts right now because i didn't believe in him for so long and ill live in hell even more???? what the hell am i supposed to do??